Alison Bethany Ting Lam Cheng

Sailing into the Fragrant Harbor  
the mountains, the beaches, the islands, the skyscrapers
welcome me back home from my journey. 

23 years since we bowed to the Queen
Lost amongst ourselves as we search for our own voice.
You try to search for my face amongst the crowd,
I have the parts and I’ve never wished to be different
but why don’t you speak like us? they ask

I wish my tone didn’t give away
that I mainly speak the language of the oppressor
but trust me, I oppose the language they speak.
I’m told to just listen because they probably won’t listen to me. 

I hear my mom play ABBA and Donna Summer 
as I twirl my dress to Beauty and the Beast.
My hair flies free in the wind that carries the flavors of the wet market, scents of trees on Stubbs Road, and soup that Josie knows is my favorite.

Blood that runs thick colors our celebrations, 
decorated by the golden threads binding us to the code.
“Respect, hard work, gratitude” etched on our walls 
of a home that keeps me safe.
Two generations of diplomas pave my path
“Just try your best Mui, the world is at your fingertips.” 

One ticket to New York City please! 

Stepping into Washington Square Park awakens my soul 
Unapologetic expressions of self inspire my mind
Remnants of my bursted bubble trickle down my face
Watching them chase their dreams moves my heart.
Are you from California?
Now officially a Bobcat and a Lion
I like this place, I think I’ll stay. 

“Watch where you’re going, you Chinese!” 
“Sorry, you look so similar to her, it’s hard to remember your name.”
I watched your shows, sang your songs, and wore your clothes,
I celebrated your holidays, played your sports, and laughed at your jokes.
No one prepared me for this.

Where do I go from here?
What footprints do I want to leave behind?
How do I exist within “the third space”?
I’m one of you,
but just
not quite.

“Never forget who you are. You’ll always just be seen as Chinese.” 婆婆 says 
But grandma, 
I have a choice
and that 
is my freedom.